Giving Support

I've said it before and I will say it again, you cannot tell a depressed person to snap out of it. Can't be done! It is hard to ask for help and it is hard to get the help. Just because you are depressed doesn't mean that on your first visit to see a therapist and/or psychiatrist that you will feel comfortable enough to spill your guts out and therefore receive the help you need. You will need to see a therapist that will listen to you and the psychiatrist will give you medications. Trust me you will need both. You will also probably see more than one before you find someone you can trust and/or feel they can understand you. That right there is one of the reasons cops don't seek help. Who can you trust and who will understand a cop? A dedicated therapist will put you at ease and when you leave the session feeling that huge weight off your shoulders then you have found the right one. The struggles of a cop may be different but the right therapist will understand and will not judge you. Another important factor, you cannot be judged. This is hard to find, people not to judge you. Afterall, as cops you live a complex world and the split decisions you make on a daily basis can only be understood by another cop especially when your decision leads to the death of another. I will share a story with you. My partner and I were working a 4x12 and it was the last hour of our tour. Normally I am looking for anything to get some overtime but it had been a hectic tour and my week was coming to an end so I was looking forward to the end of tour. We got a call of a domestic dispute in a bodega. When we got there the bodega owner said the couple were regulars that had too much to drink, both were drunk, argumentive but harmless. Long story short she lived in the building and he lived elsewhere. He wanted us to escort him to her apartment so he could see for himself that she was not cheating on him with his best friend who was supposedly sleeping in her bed. She said they were now divorced and he had no business in her life. There was no assault just loud arguing so we escorted them both out the bodega. She went into the adjoining door that led upstairs to her apartment and we told her to call it a night. Then we told the gentleman to start walking North in the direction of his apartment and not to come back. We got back into our patrol car, wrote down some notes and informed central of the disposition. Our tour was over and we went home. The next day after roll call our Sgt. wanted to know about the job so we explained it was bullshit. Thats when he informed us the midnight tour responded back to that job and found the woman had been stabbed so many times they could not count all of her stab wounds...WOW. Its not something you want to hear. The story goes according to the bodega owner that she eventually came back down and had another beer eventually he also returned and joined her for a few more. When the owner said he was closing they all walked outside and he remembers she allowed him to go upstairs to her apartment. They probably got into another argument resulting in him stabbing her multiple times. I don't believe we did anything wrong and I don't believe we would have done anything different. The department agreed with us. This incident bothered me for weeks. Everytime I passed that address I recalled that night. I know not everyone could understand the unsaid.

The Academy, Where It All Starts

The Police Academy was a great experience and at the very beginning you were told you would not graduate being the same person. You would change, most of your friends would change and the way you viewed things would also change. Of course that first day, even the first week you did not believe that would happen. Throughout the weeks you were under a constant threat of being caught if you did something wrong. One of the things it did was keep you in line, another was that you bonded with your peers. Both taught you CYA (cover your ass). Half way through you now belonged to something great. By the time you were handed your gun and shield you were a changed person. It was powerful but only if you had all three, your shield, your gun, and your peers. Something happens and you will do anything to keep the three. Once you have taken action, it either becomes easier or it will become your skeleton in the closet. Answer the following three questions?

What extreme measures have you experienced and/or seen in order to keep the three? Is this where you have constant fights with your demons? Does this start your trip to depression?

What is Depression?

Most of us know depression if we see a depressed mood for most of the day or for a few days. We can also identify depression if there is sadness or thoughts of suicide. There are other symptoms that go unnoticed or thought to be related to something else. These are other signs:
1. lost of appetite
2. lost interest in having fun
3. lost interest in sex
4. unplanned weight loss or weight gain
5. not being able to fall asleep or staying asleep
6. not wanting to get out of bed or too much sleep
7. feeling tired, worn out, low on energy, not wanting or able to do anything
8. feeling guilty
9. feeling like life is not worth living, feeling worthless
10. poor concentration, forgetfulness, unable to remember things
Sadly those around you will want you to snap out of it. They might not even take you seriously unless you mention you are suicidal. The reality is that all of these symptoms are serious and it can cripple a persons life.

Broken Heart

A female cop goes out on patrol with a male cop. Theres a shooting he dies, she survives and all hell breaks loose. Its as if she had to die as well. Why? Her entire command turned their backs on her.

She was involved in a shooting, she survived but saw her partner died. She should have received help, rushed to the hospital for trauma, assigned a PBA rep, and given any support she needed. Thats what would have happened if the male officer survived. Long story short, she became suicidal.

Do you know what she died of? A broken heart. Do you understand the pain she felt to die of a broken heart. She was a young healthy woman. Were you one of the officers who had to Monday quarterback and put your unjustifiable two cents in? Nothing she did that day justifies what was done to her...nothing!

New York City Police Officer Forever Blue

I am a retired NYC Police Officer. The precinct was my home away from home. My only identity was that I was a cop. I lived for the job. My career was at a high peak, I was loving every minute of it. I worked so much overtime that I easily went around the clock without thinking of my home life. For me things were great, I earned the respect like I earned my seniority. Suicides among my peers was at an all time high. It was beyond my comprehension. Then it started to hit home, cops I went to the academy with. Cops I worked with and cops I was friends with. All it took was one stupid word said, one mistake, one cruel event, just one little thing that meant nothing to you or me but everything to them. As it kept hitting home I began to see things and hear things I had not allowed myself to see or hear. Everything was going good for me. I believe we get caught up in the US vs THEM mentality that we do not realize what is happening. We can size up civilians but we don't pick up on the crys for help from another cop until its too late. I say this from experience on both sides of the line.

Do you know why cops don't ask for help?